Will start with one I forgot at Easter. Got a cute card from a Honolulu friend that had an adorable bunny on the cover, carrying a basket but with a very shocked look on his face. It said: “The Easter Bunny left eggs all over the yard, but you wouldn’t want to eat them..” Yep, fill in that blank thought!
A sweet grandmother called St. Joseph’s Hospital and timidly asked: “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?” The operator says: “I’ll be glad to help you. What’s the patient’s name and room number?” The grandmother with a tremulous voice says: “Norma Findlay, Room 302.” The operator says: “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.” After a few minutes the operator says: “Oh…Good news. Her nurse says she is doing very well. Her blood pressure is good, all her lab test are normal, and her doctor has scheduled her for discharge on Tuesday.” The grandmother says: “Thank you, that’s all wonderful!” The operator replies: “You are more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?” The grandmother says “NO! I’m Norma Findlay in room 302! No one ever tells me anything!!”
Anyone who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog! ***The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog! ***A man may smile and bid you hail yet wish you to the devil. But when a good dog wags his tail, you know he’s on the level! *** If your dog is fat, you are not getting enough exercise! ***Always wondered if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult? ***The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue! ***…and the grand finale…***My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am!
Now some questions for all you geniuses out there. **How does a mouse feel after a shower? Squeaky clean!! **What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink or even walk? A computer mouse! ***Why did the mouse stay inside the house? Because it was raining cats and dogs! ***What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers! …one more?? ***What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
Think you are old, and you will be old! Think you are young, and you will be delusional! And with that we are two way from closing time. **There is nothing scarier than that split second when you lose your balance in the shower and you think: “OMG, they are going to find me NAKED!!!! ***Really…believe me, please believe me. I didn’t mean to push all of your buttons. I was just trying to hit MUTE!! Please wear your masks and safely avoid crowds…even people you think you know! Aloha….a hui hou